When writing your college essay, looking at examples of what works and what doesn’t can be helpful. By analyzing strong and weak essay drafts, you can identify the strategies and techniques that make an essay effective and engaging. Let’s explore three common types of college essays and compare weak rough drafts to strong finished essays to illustrate what sets them apart.
Essay 1: Sharing an identity or background through a montage
A montage essay uses a series of related scenes, vignettes, or snapshots to convey a larger message or theme about the writer’s identity or background. A montage essay can be a powerful way to share your personality and experiences in an engaging narrative when executed well.
Weak rough draft: Sharing an identity or background
This weak rough draft provides more details about the writer’s interests and experiences but still needs a clearer and more compelling narrative arc. The essay reads more like a list of activities and memories than a cohesive story. While the writer attempts to reflect on the significance of these experiences in the conclusion, the insights feel generic and underdeveloped. To strengthen this essay, the writer should focus on creating a more engaging and cohesive narrative by selecting a few essential experiences to explore in greater depth and using vivid anecdotes and descriptions to bring these moments to life.
Strong finished essay: Sharing an identity or background
The strong finished essay uses vivid imagery and thoughtful reflections to create a cohesive narrative about personal growth and the interconnectedness of various experiences. The extended metaphor of a patchwork quilt ties the essay together, illustrating how each “patch” contributes to the writer’s identity and aspirations.
Essay 2: Overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative
An “overcoming a challenge” essay typically focuses on a specific obstacle or setback the writer has faced and how they have grown or learned from the experience. A sports injury narrative is a common example of this type of essay, as it allows the writer to showcase their resilience, determination, and personal growth in the face of adversity.
Weak rough draft: Overcoming a challenge
The weak rough draft provides a basic overview of the writer’s injury and recovery process but needs more emotional depth and vivid storytelling. The essay feels more like a straightforward recounting of events than a compelling narrative.
Strong finished essay: Overcoming a challenge
The strong, finished essay immerses the reader in the moment of the injury and the following emotional turmoil. The writer uses vivid descriptions and metaphors to convey the physical and mental challenges of recovery, creating tension and struggle. The essay also delves into the writer’s personal growth and the lessons learned from the experience, demonstrating deep self-reflection and insight. The conclusion ties together the themes of resilience and perseverance, leaving the reader with a powerful message about overcoming adversity.
Essay 3: Showing the influence of an important person or thing
An “influence” essay explores how a significant person, experience, or object has shaped the writer’s life, values, or aspirations. This type of essay allows the writer to reflect on the impact of a significant influence and demonstrate their ability to learn and grow from their experiences.
Weak rough draft: Influence of an important person or thing
The weak rough draft provides a general overview of the grandfather’s influence on the writer’s life but needs more depth and emotional resonance. The essay relies on telling rather than showing, with broad statements about the grandfather’s values and lessons without specific, vivid examples to illustrate them.
Strong finished essay: Influence of an important person or thing
The strong finished essay creates a rich, multi-dimensional portrait of the grandfather through evocative storytelling and sensory details. The essay uses powerful metaphors and imagery to convey the depth of the grandfather’s influence, such as the image of his weathered hands guiding the writer through life’s challenges.
The strong essay also delves into the lessons and values the writer learned from his grandfather. These lessons are illustrated through concrete examples and anecdotes, bringing the grandfather’s teachings to life.
The strong essay’s emotional depth and psychological insight create a profound and lasting impact on the reader. The writer’s reflections on the grandfather’s legacy and the enduring power of his love and wisdom leave the reader with a sense of inspiration and a deeper appreciation for the transformative influence of family and mentorship.